I love the holidays just as much as the next guy, maybe even a bit more. Yet this year I seem to be suffering from celebratory claustrophobia. I feel like I did not even get a day after Halloween was over to breath before I had Christmas crammed down my throat. As I sat with my coffee looking out the window at the crack of stupid on November 1st. I watched the man across the street remove the giant gaudy ghost from over his garage and replace with a giant wreath. “I sure hope he doesn’t fall and snap his neck” I says to myself.
Is this what the holidays have come down too? Simply replacing one shoddy decoration for another? As I was out and about minding my own business (a good 5 days before Halloween mind you) looking for just another little something for our Halloween party. I walked into the store only to be overrun by dancing Santa’s and Snowmen snack bowls. I was in a daze, I started to worry about how I was going to tell my children that they miss Halloween. I know the Christmas decor usually comes out early but in the back of the store and for sure not before the ghouls and goblins have had their day. Yet on a side note I picked up my last minute decor at a great deal...
So is it yet another “Sign of the Times” (I love quoting Prince songs...) that the retailers are more desperate than ever, to suck every single coffer they can get out of us. I am not going to debate whether or not the Holidays have become to commercial, it’s been done and we all know the answer to that. The holidays are what you make of them, all I ask is to try and make them a little less tacky...Fell free to deck the halls in August so long as it’s done with taste and FABULOUSNESS...So here are a few of my tips on how NOT to decorate for the Holiday Season...
1- Think about others when putting up your Christmas lights...this includes our Dear Mother Earth. As you sit in your house all cozy by the fire, you don’t want your neighbours or passers by to get retinal damage from your Griswold light display. Less is always more, leave some room on the power grid for the rest of us.
2- If your partial to giant inflatable lawn characters- send me an email and I will hook you up with a good therapist I know...
3- You should not take it upon yourself, to decorate yourself...Please for the love of all that is good and fashionable...Take out a holiday scented candle and BURN YOUR CHRISTMAS CARDIGAN...
4- Batteries and motion sensors have their place in flash lights and security systems, not in Christmas decorations. Keep your stock of batteries for the toys Christmas morning. Let’s try being able to walk through the house this year without a slew of dancing Santa’s and singing Snowmen popping off in our wake.
5- Picking a theme that has nothing to do with Christmas... Regardless of how much you love dolphins, how your existence is meaningless without football or as “righteous” as you think NAscar is, these are NOT holiday themes, no matter how much glitter you sprinkle on them...
DON’T Bedazzle My Martini....
1.5 ounces Vodka
1/2 ounce Amaretto
3 ounces Pear Juice
brown sugar
pinch of cinnamon
tiny pinch of ginger
Rim your martini glass with the brown sugar. Add all ingredients except for the brown sugar to your martini shaker with ice and shake well and vigorously... Great way to work out those Holiday Season frustrations.... Pour into your martini glass and garnish with an inflatable cinnamon stick or battery operated mint leaf...
Happy Holidays
Cheers
We Three Tacky, Dingy, Out- Dated Kings of Orient Are
t closes Wed Dec 2 2009 @ 11:59 pm
