Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm NOT Fabulous...It's all a pack of lies...

So... I get a lot of emails and most of them are looking for drink and entertaining ideas, which is great, cus that's what I do...Lately I have been getting more personal emails, asking me questions about my lifestyle and "mom life" and "How do I do it"...These I don't respond to, not because I'm all private & personal, but because I have no clue what to say.
Until I recently got an email from a young mother of three, who wrote me to tell me how FABULOUS I was and how she ADMIRED how I did everything and she can only WISH to have it all together like me... So after my ego deflated, I felt compelled to write her back and tell her...that it's all a PACK OF LIES! I am NOT Fabulous...well o.k, I'm a little bit Fabulous...but that's only because I think all women are. Well not all, the crusty, obnoxious lady behind me this morning in the grocery store...less than Fabulous!...But I love women...(not in a Rosie O'Donnell kind of way) I just love and admire our gender! We are amazing...And in order to find out why I feel I am Fabulous...I think you need to know the truth...

So Laney, here is your reply...

My name is Dee and I am a woman, a women who was a single mother of 2 kids for many years, on her second marriage, who can't stand the size of her ass and can't figure out what she has more of, cellulite or grey hairs.
I'm a wife, a wife who is blessed to be madly in love with a fantastic man who is perfect, except when he is a GIANT JACKASS!
I am a mother, a mother who has 4 beautiful children whom I adore and are my true treasures, that I would gladly trade for a mickey of vodka and a bus ticket when they are driving me BARKING MAD!
I am a daughter , a daughter to lovely, caring parents who love to remind me they don't get to see their grand kids enough because I moved A WHOLE HOUR & 20 MINUTES AWAY! (mostly my mom, oh mothers guilty how you consume me)
I am a big sister, a sister to a great, charming and funny kids brother, who I forget to call on his birthday and haven't shared a beer with in a long time.
I am a little sister, a sister....(deep breath) ....to an incredible big brother who I have missed and mourned everyday for the passed 13 years and will for the rest of my life. I will always feel that wrapped up in my selfish state at the time, there was more I could of done to save you.
I am a friend, a friend so fortunate to know some of the best people on the planet. They love me and tolerate me... for me, even when I don't return their calls and forget about lunch dates.

"How do I do it?" you ask...the answer is simple...I DON'T do it...I don't feed my kids all organic, local, free range food. I DO, feed them, good healthy meals that are well balanced with KD, Zoodles and enough crackers and cheese to choke a horse. I DON'T have patients, I DO yell at my kids, get frustrated easily and sometimes ignore them for an extra 15 minutes when I here them talking after nap time. I DON'T bathe them everyday, I DO know how to give one hell of a good spit and polish with a handful of wet wipes. I DON'T get all prettied up before my husband walks through the door at night, I DO tell him everyday that I love him and thank hi, for coming into my life...ok, well almost every day. I DON'T "grow" my kids minds everyday, I DO use the T.V. like hush money to occupy them while I try and prepare an organic-less meal for them.

There is however 1 very important thing that I do "DO" that does make me feel a little bit FABULOUS...I celebrate my successes no matter how small...Everyday!
I know it sounds corny but it's what keeps me going...(that and a cocktail of course)...I don't worry about where I failed everyday, because there are far to many. I gloat, toot my horn and do a happy dance (in fabulous shoes) for all my passes.
Those are far more rare, but far more important...

Thank you for all your fabulous emails...